You should hear the wind in my window.

Half a pack of Orbit gum, a matchbook, 35 cents, and the teeny tiniest battery (a AAA KingKong) were all stuffed frantically into an envelope and thrown onto my desk with verbal orders to put it in the mail.  This is an example of mania. The resident’s diagnosis is Bipolar Disorder w/ Psychotic Features. He is literally flipping the fuck out. He’s always pretty manic but today it’s more than that. He’s got a shit-eating grin plastered across his face, he’s been talking an awful lot about pickles, and he’s been in and out of my office 700 times for the past hour because as soon as he leaves he comes right back with some new object and now he’s wanting to mail everyone he’s ever known something. So this particular envelope (there are many) is addressed to Steppenwolf  Theatre but there is no actual address, no stamp, and he’s writing with glitter pens. He just left and I locked my door for a moment because I had to know what’s inside the envelope since it’s all bulky. So, some old gum, old pack of matches, spare change, and a baby battery. Um, okay? But there’s also a note! Huzzah! This is what it says, keep in mind this is written with a glitter pen: 

Dear Sir I said 4 children Regards Lord Nordy! 

(wait4meandCharlene 4OCelciy 1+6+9 eons=4#7centigrage)

I man electrician enjoy the doors my friend the doors

Love, Steve PS: Stolen From Steve 

Love, Little Robby

BOOM BABY

.........new page.........

Dear Ms. July,

I am your biggest fan. Play piano w/me! I shall see you with clothes July 1st with a VERY special gift. FIVE FIVE! you HOT! 

Love, Not Stalker Little Robby

...........new page........

We count 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 land 

I ‘e’ and a 2 ‘e’ and ‘a’

cat-a-pil-ar

cat-apilar

cat-apillow

my bootsy your pal boobshead

DON’T LEAVE ME! I BEG YOU!

IGOR STRAVINSKY AKA LITTLE ROBBY!!!

........new page.......

my roommate who thinks he’s NASA says to me 

“Don’t be weird”

THE END

So, yeah, by the way, he’s my favorite. Not only is he totally nuts, he’s actually got a great sense of humor and he has been cracking me up all day. He always talks to me about his “girlfriend” but today he told me that she’d saw his balls off and put them in a paper shredder if she knew he was making me laugh. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t actually exist.  A lot of residents are totally manic this week for some reason?  It makes my job a lot more fun because they end up saying the most awesome shit and when they’re manic it’s a euphoric feeling for them so everyone’s happy! The down side is that a manic episode typically ends abruptly and leaves the person in severe depression so we have to monitor them closely. One of my residents that doesn’t live here any longer once told me that when she’s manic she feels like she’s having a constant orgasm and that when it’s over it feels like she just witnessed someone murder her son. Interesting.

You should hear the wind in my window.