Monday, August 24, 2009

online journal? wevs.

I don’t want to blog just for the sake of blogging and I know that what I have to say isn’t necessarily earth-shattering but I like to write and I appreciate your feedback. I also realize that there are maybe 5 people who read my blog but hey, got to start somewhere, right?


On the train to work today I realized a few things: 1.) My next pet will be named “Cankles”, even if it’s a fish, 2.) I really need to stop getting drunk and sending text messages, 3.) Sunset Rubdown exists perfectly, 4.) I’m only attracted to people and things that I can’t have, 5.) I miss being in love, and 6.) I need to understand that not everyone’s mind revolves around the things that mine does and that that is a good thing.


I’m 23 years old. I don’t know jack about anything! My days are split between work, the internet, and daydreaming along Lake Michigan. And blogging, I guess. My mind is constantly contemplating it’s existence and looking for new ways to drive me crazy. Right now I’m watching one of my residents walk up and down the hallway and he is cracking up laughing. That’s his life. He does this every day! Just walks and laughs, walks and laughs. It looks like he’s having fun but is he? I don’t know! He won’t tell me! He just LAUGHS! And here I am, sitting in my office wondering what the hell I’m doing here.  When I was 16 and looking at the next 10 years of my life I thought for sure that I would be married to some amazing man and probably even have my first kid around now.  A lot about that bothers me. It bothers me that I thought that was what I wanted and it also bothers me that I don’t have it. Do I even want that? I don’t know anymore. I mean, I want love and I’ve had small tastes of it but I want the kind of love that I see between people like my grandparents. There’s something to be said about that old couple you see holding hands and moving slowly together while the whole world zips and zooms around them. It’s okay for them to take their time. They fought for each other and they won! I want to win! I want to play with someone’s hair from dark to white. I’m impatient and when I find something I like I know that I get carried away easily but it’s because I don’t find that many people that I TRULY want to know more about. Why do we have to hold back? Everyone likes knowing that someone likes them. Everyone likes to be loved. I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore. Yes I do. I’m talking about love! Whatever, I’ve had a great time being single in Chicago and I’ve certainly learned a lot about myself. Being single isn’t as bad as I thought it would be but nothing is as good as opening your eyes in the morning and realizing that he/she is already awake and has been watching you adoringly in your final moments of rest before you re-enter the world for another day. 


I need to relax.

1 comment:

  1. Yea... relationships are sooo nessisary sometimes. I'm not even talking about romantic ones but even close relationships with other people.

    I think there is many people out there who are secretly lonely. It's soo easy in today's world. We are meant to think we're so close together yet... we're further apart than ever.

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