I present you with this.

Nothing could ever touch us. They can't touch what we have. What we had is still what we have and it will always be that. When we're together we will always be what we were because it's what we are until forever.

This hangover makes me want to die and this weekend FOR SURE killed a piece of my soul for reasons that I won't publicly address. Uncle Teabag gets me every time.

I can't eat. I can't sleep. My heart beat is heavy. My heart is heavy. I woke up with socks on. My apartment smells like beer and skittles. I smell like beer and skittles. Take me away from all of this. Don't let go of me for one god damned second. I'm just making words happen.

is there enough pizza?

no! there is not enough pizza! holy fucking hot sauce why is there never enough pizza?!

also, fuck popcorn. 

sorry.

if, then

if I'm a woman

and you're a man

and if we come together

so naturally, flawlessly

if I make you laugh

and you make me smile

and if we lift each other

so high, effortlessly

if I take care of your heart

and you play adoringly with mine

and if we are lost in each other

so real, honestly

if I ask you not to leave

and you say you cannot stay

and if this hurts us both

so broken, deeply

if all of life is left to chance

and by chance our paths have crossed

if we choose to walk in opposite directions

then by choice all of life is lost

it's all going to be fiiiiiine

“I’ll be looking at the moon, but I’ll be seeing you.”

That song, or I guess that lyric, is the only perfect way to describe what it feels like to know you’ll never see someone that you love in the flesh again. You have no choice but to see them figuratively in each of your days. The only times that I feel my dad’s presence are when I’m in front of something vast beyond my mind’s comprehension. For example: all of the hours I spend at Lake Michigan are for him and I feel him in the sky when I'm airborne. When I can’t understand how big something actually is, when I feel as small as I can possibly feel, is when I feel him and it’s when I know that everything in this world is out of my hands and it always has been. All we can do is keep going and allow ourselves to be happy. 

Hmm...I watched Revolutionary Road today. Drank Kombucha today. Listened to the entirety of THE EARTH IS NOT A COLD DEAD PLACE today. Thought a lot about this weekend today. Missed all of my Ohio guys and gals today. 

Hmm...I may be the most indecisive, wishy-washy, little twenty-something to hit Chicago in a long time. Two months ago I was so determined to blow out of this city as quickly as I flew into it but now I feel like I could live here forever. That’s going to change again. I promise! OR maybe it won’t. I feel like something good is closing in on me and I like it. I like who I am at this exact moment in my life. I love the people I’m surrounded by, even the schizophrenic ones, and I want to take the person I am now and make her even better. I love the fact that I’m blogging even if my blogs suck. I love the fact that I’m writing in general! It feels pretty alright.

I love and hate that December will be here in a minute and the next 3 months will be history. I’m looking at them right now but once they pass by I’ll never see them again. It’s beautiful and awkward and inspiring and annoying. Live and love: that’s all you have to do to feel fulfilled. I pinky swear.

Currently listening to: My Bloody Valentine: Loveless

Current mood: Lackadaisical :P

What's my cat doing? Laying directly behind me like a total creeper.

some rubbish

Salem, Ohio

We’re all lost creatures and we all punish ourselves for pleasure.

I kind of hate everyone, 

I pass judgement as soon as I can,

I try to love everyone.

There is no God? There has to be a God.

Where is my soul and how did it get there?

Oh! So just be myself and the rest will come?

How can we be individuals when we’re all technically the same?

Beings being beings of repetition.

Skinny jeans and flannel for you, 

dreads and tattoos for that guy. 

Nothing is original but you’re all so unique.

Who are we trying to impress?  

Doesn’t anyone understand that we’re only here for a certain number of seconds?

Stop bitching and start paying attention.

Yes, your life is moving. No, you can't take that back.

You can do a million “big things",

but how big do they have to be, 

for strangers to care when you die?

Big things don’t matter at all. 

Small things really make the difference. (Science told me that.)

Take care of your friends and your family but mostly your heart.

Quit trying to be cooler than you are. You’re cooler that way.

Maybe if I stop wanting it, it will actually come.