it's all going to be fiiiiiine

“I’ll be looking at the moon, but I’ll be seeing you.”

That song, or I guess that lyric, is the only perfect way to describe what it feels like to know you’ll never see someone that you love in the flesh again. You have no choice but to see them figuratively in each of your days. The only times that I feel my dad’s presence are when I’m in front of something vast beyond my mind’s comprehension. For example: all of the hours I spend at Lake Michigan are for him and I feel him in the sky when I'm airborne. When I can’t understand how big something actually is, when I feel as small as I can possibly feel, is when I feel him and it’s when I know that everything in this world is out of my hands and it always has been. All we can do is keep going and allow ourselves to be happy. 

Hmm...I watched Revolutionary Road today. Drank Kombucha today. Listened to the entirety of THE EARTH IS NOT A COLD DEAD PLACE today. Thought a lot about this weekend today. Missed all of my Ohio guys and gals today. 

Hmm...I may be the most indecisive, wishy-washy, little twenty-something to hit Chicago in a long time. Two months ago I was so determined to blow out of this city as quickly as I flew into it but now I feel like I could live here forever. That’s going to change again. I promise! OR maybe it won’t. I feel like something good is closing in on me and I like it. I like who I am at this exact moment in my life. I love the people I’m surrounded by, even the schizophrenic ones, and I want to take the person I am now and make her even better. I love the fact that I’m blogging even if my blogs suck. I love the fact that I’m writing in general! It feels pretty alright.

I love and hate that December will be here in a minute and the next 3 months will be history. I’m looking at them right now but once they pass by I’ll never see them again. It’s beautiful and awkward and inspiring and annoying. Live and love: that’s all you have to do to feel fulfilled. I pinky swear.

Currently listening to: My Bloody Valentine: Loveless

Current mood: Lackadaisical :P

What's my cat doing? Laying directly behind me like a total creeper.