Airport Amusement

There's a baby sitting across from me right now. A girl. She's super baby-ish, probably only a couple of months old. What was she doing before she got here? Just swimming in her dad's balls and kickin' it in her mom's ovary? I wouldn't want to have ever been inside either of those things from the looks of it. Yeck. I don't know why I'm judging these poor people. Guess they shouldn't have sat across from me.

And THIS guy. This guy, ha ha. He's definitely bad in bed. Cool beverage you're sipping through that straw. What is that, ginger ale? root beer?

NOM NOM NOM SANDWICH!! I bet it's a really lame sandwich. No hot peppers or anything. I bet he hates mustard but I guarantee there is a fuck ton of mayonnaise on that sub.

UPDATE: I feel bad for hating on the parents and baby. They're aight. She just breast fed and then he burped the 'lil one. That was nice of him. I like teamwork! Good job, guys.

The dude behind me is totally blasting No Doubt in his headphones. He's at least 50 years old. Definitely amusing/annoying.

There go a couple of douche-bags to stand in line like it means something. We all have a number, you ass patties! It doesn't matter how fucking early you arrive. Also, nice Tigger tee.

Dude finished his ginger ale and in an attempt to look even gayer is now sucking each ice cube and delicately spitting them back into his cup. This is making me angry. I need to look away now.

The overhead announcement is definitely still referring to swine flu as it keeps telling us how to wash our hands and cover our mouths. Really? Thanks.

Baby people: I don't think they'll be having much sex other than for reproductive purposes. I hope I'm wrong, but it's not likely.

There's a semi-attractive man sitting across the room. He's probably in his 30's. He kind of looks like Chuck Norris, though. Except tall and much smarter looking. I would consider him a 7 but I'm feeling generous all of a sudden. Please sit by me so that the sandwich dude doesn't. He smells of onions.

HOLY FUCK A PLANE JUST TAXIED BY WITH A FUCKING DINOSAUR ON THE TAIL WING! I want to go where that plane is going RIGHT NOW.

We got an all denim outfit at 3:00 and some khaki cargo shorts with a neon green polo at 9:00. Oh so sexy.

Welp! Time to put my life in the hands of a total stranger at 30,000 feet in the air. What anxiety?