Body In a Box

"We celebrate the lives of the dead. It’s like a man’s best party only happens when he dies."

I’m sorry, I know it's lame but I love this song. Death is so fucking weird. One day I hugged my Dad and told him I loved him and the next day he was gone forever. No more prickly moustache kisses or watching thunderstorms together. It’s all okay, I guess. I guess the same thing basically happens with relationships. One day you’re telling someone you love them and the next thing you know 6 months have gone by and that love is a thing of the past. A painful little memory; if you will. I’m still alive and I feel like I’m doing more than just going through the motions these days. Somedays I sit at my desk and I have the most amazing conversations with schizophrenic or bipolar people and I feel like this is exactly where I should be but other days I want to sell everything I own and take off across the country and hide in various wooded areas for an undetermined amount of time. I’ve always been such a lover and I literally don’t know what else to do with myself. Too much of my time has been spent on people who don’t give two shits about me. Why? Because I suck. I don’t really think that I suck, though. I think I give the best hugs and I am a huge advocate for forehead kisses. I’ve often thought about my residents and the fact that they are never touched aside from a few of them who are sexually active around here but that’s not the kind of touching I’m talking about. I mean the way it feels when your mom hugs you. These people haven’t felt that, in some cases, ever. A lot of my residents ask for hugs or always reach out their hand to me when they’re in my office and it’s so heartbreaking. I mean, if someone asks me for a hug they’re going to get a hug but we as staff aren’t allowed to just go around hugging everyone. It’s really sad and I wish people could understand how far a simple smile or a kind word can actually go. Sometimes it’s the only thing that helps. Be nice to everyone. Give bums your spare change when you can. Hug each other when you feel like it. Reach out to someone! We all deserve a little more love.